...

I know GOD will not give me more than I can handle, but I wish he didn't want me to be so strong. I will be 34 in 7 months...this in itself is discouraging. Then add in hormones, constant body aches, my body bleeds when it wants too and as long as it wants to, I am always fatigue, everything I do is forced. I'm starting to think I'm kidding myself....having a baby with this condition, at this age, with limited and strained resources is not looking favorable. Fear of what I might do is the only thing that keeps me from quitting....at least out loud. It would be so much easier to take everything out, drop the weight and manage any remaining symptoms with meds, but as easy and ideal that is I would be eternally unhappy. I feel useless, fat, and unworthy.....I hate days like this...they seem strongest when I'm in pain.