Missing Posts...into the New Year

I apologize for my missing attendance.  I had a very close passing in my family and have not had the motivation on thought process to come here.  I will say this year has been a struggle for me and I am happy to bring it to an end.  Hopefully there will be better experiences and joys I can share with you for 2012.  Until then have a very safe and successful New Years.  And for my ttc peers to much sticky baby dust for the year 2012.

Day 13 - List 5 guilty pleasures.

1. Home made Chocolate Chip Cookies
2. Baked Macaroni & Cheese
3. Double layer chocolate cake
4. Calling out of work just because
5. Wine Night.

Day 12 - List 5 pet peeves.

1. Irresponsible/Abusive/Neglectful "parents".
2. Hypocrites
3. Males who think they are men but do not behave as such
4. Cheaters
5. Adults (in age) who never grow up.

Day 11 - If you could have 3 wishes, what would they be?

1. To have unlimited wishes
2. To be able to ovulate, conceive, carry a healthy pregnancy, and give birth to 12 healthy babies
3. Continual financial security to maintain myself and my loved ones.

Day 10 - What is your favorite book?

This changes with time but currently it is

The Help by Kathryn Stockett



Day 9 - List 5 things you want to do before you die.

1. learn how to swim
2. travel to all of my points of interest
3. have a lavish platinum wedding
4. open my own business
5. complete my travel wish list.

Day 8 - Describe your dream vacation.

http://www.bedarra.com.au/

Bedarra Great Barrier Reef Luxury Resort

 One of the world’s most exclusive resorts and is the ultimate 5 star luxury island resort experience.

Bedarra Island is a boutique island resort at the Great Barrier Reef in Queensland.

With just 16 architecturally refined Villas nestled into the rainforest, Bedarra Island is very much a place for the dedicated few.

Venture from your boutique Villa and discover exquisite food, flawless service and secluded beaches.

Slip away to a private bay with a gourmet hamper and your own dinghy or indulge with a therapeutic spa treatment. On Bedarra Island it’s all about peace, privacy, and the ultimate holiday in tropical style luxury.

Day 7 - Where do you like to shop?



Day 6- A picture of something that makes you happy.

My sugar dumpling Niece Arion.  Very old pic, she is 4 now but one of my favorites.

Day 5 - 15 facts about yourself.

1. I love chocolate, cheese, and wine seperately but equally.
2. My family blood and nonblood related are the most important to me.
3. I am a irrationally emotional individual with some ugly tendencies when the hormones are high.
4. I disengaged with God for a short while after the passing of my grandmother.
5. I have struggled with repeating #4 while enduring this challenging stage in my life.
6. I was married at the age of 23.
7. I was divorced at the age of 27.
8. I have been in my current relationship for 4 years and I am 4 years older than he is.
9. I love the color pink.
10. I love to plan events/parties/decorate.
11. 90% of my life decisions are based on my thoughts of what will happen afterwards.
12. Most recently I have adapted this very bothersome habit of judgement...some would argue it's always been here but will agree it is far worst.
13. I have control issues.
14. I have a very minor case of OCD.
15. When I was a child I wanted to be a pediatrician...until I realized I dont have the stomach for the gore, the heart to see a child hurting, or the patience for an abusive/neglectful parent.

Day 4 - If you won the lottery what would you blow your money on (after charity and bills, of course) list 10 material possessions you would buy for yourself.

In no particular order

10....The Philadelphia Eagles....I bleed green

 

9.....Emeralds, rings, earrings, bracelets galore (Yay! I love my birthstones)

 

8.....Mansion in Dubai

7.....A natural habitat for endangered big cats ( yes I love cats...all sizes and if I had the money I would so do this.)

6.....Barbie Paradise for my Niece...her happiness keeps me happy.

5.....Live productions of my favorite movies/plays ( Can you tell I like musicals...lol)



4.....A one year vacation to Brazil

3....All expense paid family trip to Australia for the month of December to cruise the Pacific Ocean island of Kiritimati (Christmas Island), the eastern-most island in the island nation of Kiribati for the official First New Years Celebration

2.....Vacation to Fiordland National Park, Abel Tasman National Park and other regions of New Zealand.

1.....Le Sirenuse Spa Resort in Positano, Italy

Day 3 - What's in your makeup bag?

Under construction

Tribute to a Great Lady

Happy Birthday Nana!  I miss you and love you very much. 

Day 2 - What's in your handbag?

under construction...

Day 1 - What is the meaning behind your blog name?

I think this is self explanatory.  I have PCOS and I am trying to have a baby.  Even though the initial goal was pregnancy, that may not be my journey...it may be through some other avenue...so I like the end results.  I will admit the blog wasn't entirely my idea...when I first started breaking down and was seeking therapy it was suggested by my counselor.  One of the best things I have done. 

Thirty Day Blog Challenge

 

I have recently started following pinklipglossandprenatals and decided to do the 30 Day Blog Challenge she created. It gives the old and new an opportunity to get to know me better. The first 15 will be about me, and the next 15 will be about my infertility journey. Technically I am on day 6 so there will be six posts today. This way I can end the challenge on December 30, right before the start of the new year. Hope you enjoy.

Day 1 - What is the meaning behind your blog name?

Day 2 - What's in your handbag?

Day 3 - What's in your makeup bag?

Day 4 - If you won the lottery what would you blow your money on (after charity and bills, of course) list 10 material possessions you would buy for yourself.

Day 5 - 15 facts about yourself.

Day 6- A picture of something that makes you happy.

Day 7 - Where do you like to shop?

Day 8 - Describe your dream vacation.

Day 9 - List 5 things you want to do before you die.

Day 10 - What is your favorite book?

Day 11 - If you could have 3 wishes, what would they be?

Day 12 - List 5 pet peeves.

Day 13 - List 5 guilty pleasures.

Day 14 - Put your iPad on shuffle. List the first 10 songs that play.

Day 15 - Show your favorite outfit or fashion pieces.

Day 16 - How did you and your partner decide when you were ready to start trying to conceive?

Day 17 - Discuss the most ridiculous thing you ever heard about conception. Where did you hear it? Did it work for someone else? Did you try it?

Day 18 - Besides Mothers Day, what is the hardest holiday for you as an infertile?

Day 19 - Write a letter (one that you never have to send) to a fertile in your life. Did they hurt you? Support you? Tell them how you feel, all the things you can’t bring yourself to say in person.

Day 20 - Discuss how you found your way into the ALI community, and what being part of it has meant to you – good and bad.

Day 21 - If you had gotten pregnant that first month you started trying, how would you have been a different parent? What changes have you made to your parenting style (either current or future) in the time you spent trying to conceive?

Day 22 - What was the first baby or pregnancy-related purchase you ever made? Was it before or after you started trying to conceive? Or was it after you were already pregnant? Why did you choose that particular item to buy first? If you haven’t purchased anything yet, why not?

Day 23 - Talk about how you chose your RE.

Day 24 - If a very observant stranger were to walk into your house, what clues could lead them to believe that you have struggled with infertility?

Day 25 - Have you ever bonded with someone IRL over infertility?

Day 26 - Were you the product of infertility? Was anyone you know the product of infertility? How do you know? Or do you just suspect based on circumstances like age differences between siblings, time between marriage and conception, etc.

Day 27 - Talk about a time when you made someone in your life understand more about infertility.

Day 28 - What do you use the “nursery” for right now? If you already had a baby, what did you use it for before pregnancy?

Day 29 - If you had known that you would have trouble conceiving, what would you have done differently in life? If you already knew, did that knowledge affect your other life choices?

Day 30 -Tell us about a friendship you lost or a relationship that changed for the worse because of infertility.

Faith

Faith is a tricky thing...especially in this race to create life. My cousin Geraldine who is more like an Aunt to me is very ill and in the hospital. The entire situation reflects on my experience during the last days of my Nana's time here on earth. Her oldest daughter Nicole, my very close cousing is carrying a burden I only wish I could remove. I get so geared up on the life I want to carry and give birth to it comes easy to lose sight of the blessing surrounding me whose time together is precious. I dont fair well with death...but I must be strong for my cousin, give her the support she needs, hold her up as she breaks down....this is going to be a hard day.

Three Days Later

It is amazing what two days of no bleeding will do for your mental, physical, and emotional well being. Granted I had to come back to work today...and I noticed it wasn't my illness that made me dread this place. I have been directly and indirectly been advised by many of my friends and family to get into event planning, however in my area, in this economy with no real start up it is suicide. I can't deny the calling is strong and just the thought of planning something brings light to my eyes, but the financial instability scares me more. I did apply for a david's bridal position that would ultimately be a 58% decrease in salary but will probably bring 100% satisfaction and joy to my life. I will leave it in the hands of fate for now. If they call, and hire me I will take this a God's push towards something better.

Hysteroscopy

Well the dreaded procedure came and went. I am extremely glad I look for excellent bedside manner as a top requirement for all of my doctors. The surgical physician made the transition so easy :) Based on his initial results there are no underlying reasons for my abnormal bleeding and pain besides the hormonal imbalance placed on me by PCOS. BAsically my uterus is healthy except for scattered scar tissue from previous surgeries, but they say it's nothing that will interfer with a baby implanting. He was able to complete the D&C and currently I am "spotting". So now we wait for my RE to review the Recording and hopefully when we talk on Monday I will not be bleeding. My goal is to get meds that will keep me blood free for at least the next 90 days...jump start my exercise routine to shed as much weight as possible and start the injection medicine to help me ovulate late March early April. Well at least that's the "plan". It really seems like all of my issues are hormonal, this is driving me more than ever to lose weight to help this imbalance. Anyway I am going to take this relief as positive and enjoy the relief from pain. I will keep you posted. :)

The day before Surgery

I can honestly sit here and say I am scared. Add this to naturally being emotional, hormonal imbalance, and consistent pain and bleeding for 87 days is a recipe for insanity. I don't know if I am coming or going...and with all of this I think I need to start going to therapy to get these thoughts, doubts, pains, and overall burdens off of my chest. Not so much to get a solution or answer, but an opportunity to be in an environment where I can express myself, cry, scream, etc without fears of worrying my family, being judged, or the worst of all they constantly telling me it will be ok. I know they mean well but it hasn't gotten better and they don't know if it will get better. I will say this, chronic pain makes you miserable inside and out. Most days I don't feel like myself and am snapping at the slightest things. I pray that this surgery is a positive start to the successful journey for my baby.